


I Want This (But It's So Hard To Say Out Loud)

by OpalizedBone



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But first angst, Cunnilingus, Eventual Smut, F/F, Face-Sitting, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Sex, Mostly Plot with Gratuitous Smut Chapters, Multiple Orgasms, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Porn With Plot, Rating will go up in later chapters, Threesome - F/F/F, Vaginal Fingering, happy polyamory, isabela wants this more than she wants to admit, smut starts in chapter 5, there will be smut, they all get together and it's good and happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-09-16 02:05:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16944915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpalizedBone/pseuds/OpalizedBone
Summary: “Merrill, honey,” Hawke began, dragging her up from where she was hiding and tucking a finger under her chin. “Bela and I aren’t involved anymore, you know that.”“But…” Merrill’s face was a blushing mess. She hadn’t been this flustered in a long time. “But you want to be.”~~~~(Merrill and Hawke want Isabela to join them. Isabela isn't nearly as indifferent as she lets on. "Relationships are trouble," according to Bela, but maybe with Merrill and Hawke, she'll be able to find the love she so desperately tries to pretend she doesn't want.)





	1. Something On Your Mind, Merrill?

Hawke could tell Merrill had something on her mind. She _always_ knew when Merrill had something on her mind, the way Merrill’s big green eyes would refuse to meet hers and her slender hands would wring in front of her nervously. Merrill was easy to read, and usually gave in and told Hawke about whatever it was without too much prodding, but this time, she had simply shook her head with a blush. This went on for ages; whenever Hawke would come home, she’d find Merrill lost in her thoughts, often startling when Hawke slipped her arms around her waist, only to relax with a sweet sigh moments later. 

 

“Hawke,” Merrill finally began as they laid in bed, still sweaty and catching their breath, after over a week of distraction. She took a breath as if to continue, then changed her mind and settled back in against her girlfriend. Hawke waited patiently, running her hand along Merrill’s side, marvelling at the soft skin there. One of Merrill’s own hands, small and surprisingly calloused, rested on her stomach, idly tracing patterns over the thick, gnarled scar left behind from the Arishok’s blade.

 

Merrill fidgeted, clearly a bit anxious, and Hawke started to get worried. Merrill usually dozed off after sex, at least for a few minutes, and Hawke would spend the time holding her, breathing in the smell of copper and daisies that clung to Merrill’s ruffled black hair. The fact that Merrill was so obviously wound up spoke volumes to her racing thoughts.

 

“Merrill?” Hawke eventually prompted, rubbing her palm along her smaller girlfriend’s back. “Something on your mind?”

 

“Isabela,” Merrill blurted, and Hawke stilled with a frown. When Merrill didn’t continue, Hawke shifted, trying to meet Merrill’s gaze.

 

“What about Isabela?” Hawke asked. Merrill tucked her face into Hawke’s throat, and Hawke could feel the warmth on her cheeks.

 

“Well, you and her…” Merrill’s voice was muffled against her neck. Hawke froze. She and Isabela had spent a night or two together, but that had been ages ago, long before she and Merrill were ever involved. Did Merrill think that was still going on?

 

“Merrill, honey,” Hawke began, dragging her up from where she was hiding and tucking a finger under her chin. “Bela and I aren’t involved anymore, you know that.”

 

“But…” Merrill’s face was a blushing mess. She hadn’t been this flustered in a long time. “But you want to be.”

 

Hawke’s mouth popped open, and she sucked in a surprised breath. Merrill finally met her gaze, and Hawke, for once, couldn’t even begin to decipher what she was thinking.

 

“I...what?” Hawke finally managed to choke out.

 

“You want to be involved with her, I can tell,” Merrill said, and her voice wasn’t angry or accusatory or even sad. It was...longing? “It’s okay. I do, too.”

 

_ Wait, what? _

 

“...excuse me?” Hawke was reeling. What had Merrill just said?

 

“I think it’d be nice, don’t you?” Merrill went on, words quickening as if she was trying to get her thoughts out before Hawke stopped her. “She’s so beautiful, and I know you’ve spent the night with her before. She told me about it, once, but she refused to give me details. She said she’d ‘scar’ me, but I think she was joking. And she does call me ‘kitten’ quite a lot, don’t you think?”

 

Merrill was rambling now, and Hawke was scrambling to catch up.

 

“And I know she still cares for us—for you, especially. She wouldn’t have come back if she didn’t. She told me so, you know. And--”

 

Hawke held up a gentle hand, and Merrill cut herself off.

 

“Ooh, I’m rambling again, aren’t I?” Merrill blushed again, and she seemed to suddenly deflate upon herself.  “Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, love, I’m just…” Hawke wasn’t sure what she was feeling. Questions and excitement and longing and worry all clambored for attention in her brain, and she was having trouble sorting through it all. 

 

“Oh, I shouldn’t have brought it up, should I?” Merrill worried, her blush spreading, and she began to roll over, away from Hawke. “You’re upset, I’m sorry, I—“

 

A brief flash of panic ran through Hawke, and she looped a strong arm around Merrill’s waist, pulling her back flush against her. The act reminded her that they were both currently naked, and she spared a moment to think that they should really be having this conversation when they were dressed.

 

“Honey, wait,” Hawke insisted, cupping her cheek and kissing the flat bridge of her nose. “I’m not upset.”

 

“You aren’t?” Merrill asked, her voice still small. Hawke could feel her trembling, and she kicked the blanket towards them, covering them both up.

 

“No,” Hawke said, cuddling closer. “I think we need to talk about it more, maybe when we’re both more...level-headed.” She was still floating a bit on the afterglow, but lucid enough to realize this warranted some thought. “But I’m not saying no.”

 

“Really?” Merrill gasped, looking up at her girlfriend.

 

“Really,” Hawke smiled. “I admit I still have some...feelings for Bela.”

 

“I knew it!” Merrill gasped, but her voice was excited, not accusatory, and she sat up with a quick motion. “Oh, Hawke, this is amazing!”

 

“Do you have feelings for her?” Hawke asked, honestly surprised she’d missed it. But then again, Merrill did spend quite a lot of time at the Hanged Man…

 

“Of course I do,” Merrill said bluntly. “I love her. I love all our friends, of course, but I love Bela the most.”

 

“So this...idea of yours...it would be more than just one night?” Hawke asked, and Merrill nodded.

 

“Yes, I mean, if that’s okay with you? And Bela, of course, she might not want anything to do with me…” Merrill deflated a little again. “I know she cares for you, even I can see the way she looks at you. But I’m not sure about me, I mean, I’m still not sure how  _ you  _ feel about me half the time.”

 

“I love you, Merrill, you know that,” Hawke interrupted her gently, pulling her in for a kiss. “And I want you to know that no matter what happens with Bela, that will never change.”

 

“Oh, good,” Merrill smiled brightly again, kissing her back. “I love you so much, ma venhan.”

 

“And I think Bela would be...open to the idea, at least,” Hawke mused. “And she’d love you, you know.”

 

“Oh, you think so?” Merrill asked.

 

“I know so,” Hawke said. “How could anyone not?”

 

“That’s what I say about you,” Merrill laughed, leaning in to kiss her again.

 

“Mm,” Hawke hummed against Merrill’s lips, smiling into the kiss. Merrill broke the kiss with a yawn and settled down onto Hawke’s chest with a sigh. Hawke could feel the waves of sleepy contentment rolling off her tiny girlfriend, and could tell Merrill was swiftly falling asleep now that she’d said what she wanted to, the afterglow lulling her under.

 

“Let’s think about it, and talk again tomorrow, okay, love?” Hawke said, and Merrill nodded.

 

“That sounds lovely,” Merrill mumbled against her skin.  Hawke held her tighter and pressed a kiss to her hair. It took her awhile to join her in sleep, but when she finally did, she dreamed of kissing someone with long, dark hair and full lips, while a much smaller, paler someone mouthed along her shoulder.


	2. Discussions to be Had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill and Hawke have a much-needed talk about what they want. Confessions are made, stories are told, and hopes are lifted.

When Hawke woke up, she found herself curled around Merrill from behind, arm around her slender waist. The room was freezing--they’d forgotten to light a fire last night before bed--and Merrill’s tiny body shivered in Hawke’s strong arms. Merrill was notorious for kicking in her sleep, and the covers were piled around their feet.

 

Shivering, Hawke reluctantly untangled herself from her warm girlfriend to grab the covers, unwilling to leave the bed to light a fire in the hearth. Merrill could light one when she woke up, but for now, Hawke was content to wrap herself back around her little mage.

 

“Mm...Hawke?” Merrill asked, her voice tiny and raspy with sleep. Hawke nuzzled the back of her neck, placing a chaste kiss along her nape.

 

“Go back to sleep, love,” Hawke murmured, settling back into her position of big spoon. Merrill wriggled around to face her instead, burrowing under the covers to press her face to Hawke’s chest and twine their legs together. She sighed sweetly, wrapping her thin arms around Hawke and nuzzling in closer. Hawke smiled and pressed a kiss to her head, rubbing her hand along Merrill’s back slowly. She seemed so small, curled up in Hawke’s arms like this, but she knew all too well the power that tiny body held.

 

Cool air still tickled Hawke’s face, and she wiggled down the bed a little to take shelter under the blankets. Merrill giggled sleepily, pressing kisses along Hawke’s chest, sucking gently at one collarbone for a tender moment. Hawke smiled, pulling her closer.

 

“Did you sleep well?” Hawke whispered, afraid to break the peace. Merrill nodded against her skin, and Hawke could feel her face get warmer; she must be blushing.

 

“I had...interesting dreams,” Merrill admitted, voice muffled against Hawke’s breast.

 

“Oh? What sorts of dreams?” Hawke asked. If they were anything like hers had been, they’d been...nice, to say the least.

 

“They were about you,” Merrill began, shifting in her arms. “And me...and Isabela.”

 

“Really?” Hawke feigned surprise. “And what were these dreams about?”

 

“Well, you know…” Merrill shifted again, and Hawke could feel her try to surreptitiously rub her thighs together. So they  _ were  _ those types of dreams.

 

“Were they good?” Hawke teased lightly, and she heard Merrill squeak and press closer to her. She laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

 

“Oh, I can’t help it!” Merrill lifted her head to look up at Hawke. “You’re both so beautiful, and I love you both so much, and she’s always  _ teasing  _ me, and then you did that...that  _ thing  _ with your tongue last night, and I just--”

 

“Merrill, it’s alright,” Hawke chuckled, leaning down to kiss her gently. “I had dreams, too.”

 

“Really?” Merrill asked, her eyes lighting up. Hawke nodded, and a radiant smile broke out across Merrill’s features. “Did you like them?”

 

“Of course I did,” Hawke smiled. “How could I not like dreaming about my girlfriend and best friend?”

 

“What were they about?” Merrill asked, the look on her face suggesting she already knew.

 

“Mm, there was one where Bela and I were taking turns with you…” Hawke started, then paused. She felt like she and Merrill were getting ahead of themselves; they hadn’t even really talked about this whole idea yet.

 

“What’s wrong?” Merrill asked when Hawke didn’t continue. Hawke smiled down at her girlfriend, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

 

“Why don’t we get dressed and have a cup of tea?” Hawke suggested. “Then we can talk about this properly.”

 

“Alright,” Merrill agreed, happy to do whatever Hawke wanted. She started to hop out of bed, only to yelp and dive back into the bed. “It’s freezing!”

 

“I know,” Hawke said mournfully, looking out the window to where the sky was overcast and snowy. “Perhaps you can light a fire?”

 

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Merrill grinned, summoning a flame in her palm. She threw the fireball with perfect accuracy into the fireplace, where it caught a log, slowly growing bigger and brighter. The couple cuddled in bed for a few minutes, waiting for the room to warm up. Hawke busied her hands with tracing Merrill’s spine while she thought over the idea of the three of them together. She couldn’t deny that she found the thought appealing, but part of her was worried. Isabela had been...enthusiastic, to say the least, back when they’d slept together before. And while Merrill certainly wasn’t completely innocent, she did tend to prefer their nights to be long, involved, passionate...things Hawke wasn’t sure Isabela would be interested in. Not to mention that Merrill would probably be crushed if Bela only wanted a casual dalliance with them--and she would be, too, Hawke realized; she’d never quite gotten over the first time Isabela’d rejected a relationship with her. She didn’t know if she could survive another.

 

“I think it’s warm now,” Merrill broke her out of her thoughts, and she and Hawke got up with no small amount of grumbling. They dressed quickly, trying to stave off the encroaching chill, and padded down to the kitchen together. The rest of the house was chilly, and the floor was cold against the soles of their feet. Hawke leaned side to side, trying to minimize the floor-to-foot contact. But Merrill had the kettle boiling in no time with summoned fire, and Hawke poured them each a mug of hot tea before they retreated back to the fire, settling into armchairs in front of the flames.

 

Hawke cradled her mug in her hands, letting the warmth seep into her palms. Merrill tucked her bare feet up on the chair under her and took a few sips. She’d added her usual four lumps of sugar, and her long ears twitched with delight as she savored the sweet drink.

 

They sat in silence for a while, both simply staring into the fire, enjoying the tea. Hawke switched her gaze over to Merrill and saw a faint frown on her girlfriend’s face.

 

“What are you thinking of?” Hawke asked her, and Merrill looked at her, a blush spreading across her cheekbones.

 

“When Isabela came back,” Merrill told her. “And you fought the Arishok for her. You were so brave.”

 

“I couldn’t let him have her,” Hawke said, her voice low and serious. “I would never have forgiven myself if she’d been hurt.”

 

“You got hurt, instead,” Merrill said, voice simply stating the facts. “You nearly died. Anders told me, you know. You almost died to protect her.”

 

“I…” Hawke didn’t know what to say. Anders had healed her after the fight, but she’d been unconscious for a few days; she had no idea the extent of her injuries. She simply knew she had a long, jagged scar along her abdomen, front and back, where the Arishok’s sword had skewered her.

 

“Isabela almost left again,” Merrill said, turning sad eyes to the fire. “That night. She came with me to see you in Anders’ clinic. I’ve never seen her so upset.”

 

“You...you two came to see me?” Hawke asked. She’d assumed as much, but to hear the way Merrill said it made it seem more real.

 

“Of course we did,” Merrill said matter-of-factly. “We all did. Bela and I stayed after everyone else left, though. She...she blamed herself. I’ve never told you, because she asked me not to, but she was so upset. She cried.”

 

“Bela cried?” Hawke asked, honestly shocked.

 

“Oh, yes,” Merrill nodded. “Quite a lot, in fact. I thought she was never going to stop. My tunic got all wet.”

 

Hawke could only imagine Isabela crying onto Merrill’s shoulder, and felt a lump form in her throat.

 

“She wanted to leave, you know,” Merrill continued. “She almost did. But I told her we’d miss her too much, you and me and Fenris and Varric and Anders and even Aveline. She didn’t believe me at first, I think, but...well, I guess she must have, because she only left for one night. She came back the next morning to see you again.”

 

“I never knew,” Hawke said, shaking her head slightly. “I never knew she blamed herself.”

 

Merrill nodded, taking a sip of her tea.

 

“I’m so glad she decided to stay, aren’t you?” Merrill asked. Hawke nodded, not trusting herself to speak. “She cares about you, Hawke. She cares so much I think it scares her.”

 

“I...” Hawke couldn’t think of anything to say, her thought of  _ ‘I wish’ _ getting caught in her throat.

 

“That’s why I think it would be good, her with us,” Merrill said. “She cares so much, and I think she’s lonely. I know she has the people she takes to bed, but I think she wants more than that. With us, maybe.”

 

“What makes you think that?” Hawke asked, genuinely curious. Merrill was notoriously bad at reading people, and Isabela was notoriously good at hiding things. Something must have happened to make Merrill so convinced.

 

“Well, that night, when you were so hurt…” Merrill began, fidgeting with her mug. “I was so scared, and Bela was too, and she was crying, and I was crying, and then she...well, she was sort of...mumbling something, or maybe it was praying?” Merrill paused, her nose scrunching up at she tried to remember. “And she was holding me so tightly, I couldn’t really breathe, but I didn’t want her to let go. So I just...listened.”

 

“What did she say?” Hawke prompted.

 

“I couldn’t really make it all out,” Merrill admitted. “But she said ‘please’ a lot, and your name. And mine, too.”

 

“Our names?” Hawke tilted her head. Merrill nodded again.

 

“Quite a lot. And then she apologized, and wiped her face, and left--that’s when I thought she was gone for good,” Merrill explained. “I stayed with you in the clinic. When I woke up, she was there, asleep in a chair next to you. She was holding your hand.”

 

Hawke stared. She remembered none of this, but it had only happened a few weeks ago.

 

“What did you do?” Hawke asked.

 

“I...I just looked at her, and at you, and I realized how much I loved both of you,” Merrill said, her cheeks turning rose. “And then you woke up a little, and you looked at her, and then at me, and you smiled. And...and then I started to think about how nice it would be, all together.”

 

“Merrill, I…” Hawke looked at her girlfriend. “I...we need to talk to Isabela about all this.”

 

“Does that mean yes?” Merrill asked hopefully.

 

“I like the idea,” Hawke said carefully, “But I don’t want to get my hopes up. Isabela isn’t exactly...keen, on romance.”

 

“I know that,” Merrill replied earnestly. “But I want to try.”  Hawke nodded.

 

“Yeah,” she smiled wistfully. “Me, too.”


	3. Flowers for Bela

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill leaves Isabela a gift, which leads to a rather interesting conversation between Hawke and Bela, which in turn leads to another conversation between Merrill and Hawke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These types of things take a lot of talking okay,,,, also! heads up, smut will be happening in chapter 5! I'm keeping the nsfw contained to their own chapters so people can skip them if they'd like.

A few days passed as Hawke tried to think of how to bring up the idea to Isabela. Merrill was back to her usual bubbly self, talking excitedly about it whenever they had a chance. Hawke couldn’t help but get caught up in her enthusiasm sometimes, but she tried not to get her hopes up too much.

 

“Merrill,” Hawke said one night as they laid in bed. “What if...how would you feel if Isabela only wanted something physical?”

 

“I don’t think that’s true,” Merrill replied immediately. Hawke smiled sadly, heart heavy. Merrill was just so optimistic sometimes.

 

“Merrill, sweetheart,” Hawke said, cuddling closer. “I’m worried that it may be. She...she rejected me before, you know.”

 

“Yes, I remember,” Merrill nodded, wrapping her arms around Hawke. “But that was before. I think she’s changed.”

 

“But what if she hasn’t? What if she doesn’t want a relationship with us?” Hawke worried.

 

“Then…” Merrill paused, her nose scrunching up slightly. “Well, I would be hurt, of course, but if she wanted to spend the night...well, I wouldn’t say no, would you?”

 

“You wouldn’t?” Hawke looked down at her tiny girlfriend. “Even if you knew it was only sex for her?”

 

“I...I just…” Merrill sighed. “I love her so much, you know? I want her, however she’d have us.”

 

Hawke swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat, a surge of longing choking her for a moment. She knew exactly how Merrill felt.

 

“Yeah,” Hawke managed to whisper. “I do, too.”

 

“It’ll be okay, ma venhan,” Merrill murmured. “Whatever happens, we have each other.”

 

“Of course we do,” Hawke said, pulling Merrill closer. “Always.”

 

~

 

Hawke sat at her desk, quill in hand, and stared at the blank page. Crumpled parchment littered the desk and floor around her, testament to the failed attempts at writing Isabela a letter. Her quill hovered over the paper as she tried to think of what to write; she was usually better at written words than spoken, but now her mind was blank. Hawke was alone; Bodahn and Sandal were at the market, Aveline had taken the dog to the barracks, and Merrill had gone out hours ago. The only sound was the crackling of the fire and Hawke’s occasional sigh.

 

_ Dear Isabela, _

 

Hawke wrote, then paused. How could she phrase this? She wiggled the quill in frustration, then put the tip to the parchment again.

 

_ Merrill and I have something to talk to you about. _

 

No, that sounded odd. She sighed and put the quill in the ink pot, about to crumple the paper, when she heard the door open. She turned with a smile, expecting to see Merrill returning, and nearly fell out of her chair in shock.

 

Isabela walked toward her with a bouquet of flowers held in her hands. She looked both amused and bewildered as she paused a few feet away, honey eyes sweeping the scene, taking in Hawke’s guilty expression and the numerous balls of paper.

 

“Having a hard time, sweet thing?” Isabela teased, and Hawke flushed. It had been a long time since Bela called her that.

 

“I, um,” Hawke floundered, then changed the subject, gesturing towards the flowers. She could see daisies and violets, bright whites and cheery purples amongst the greenery. “What are those?”

 

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” Isabela’s eyebrows rose. “Care to explain why Merrill left these in my room?”

 

“I--what?” Hawke’s eyes widened. Isabela fished a small card out of the bouquet and held it up.

 

“‘Dear Bela,’” she began, shooting Hawke a look. Hawke stared, open-mouthed, feeling her cheeks flush. Isabela smirked at her reaction and kept reading. “Please don’t run away. We want you to come join us. Love, Merrill and Hawke. PS. Varric said roses were best, but I couldn’t find any. I hope these are okay.”

 

Isabela looked up again. Hawke felt like she’d been glued to her seat, and she was sure her mouth hanging open the way it was wasn’t the least bit attractive.

 

“I, um,” Hawke began. Isabela came closer, plopping the flowers into an empty vase on the desk. She paused, looking down at the beginning of the paper Hawke had been working on, then stepped back again, eyebrows climbing.

 

“Hawke, Hawke, Hawke,” Isabela chuckled, propping her hands on her hips. “Sweet thing, if you and Merrill are looking for a way to spice up the bedroom, you could have just asked. You know I’d never say no to a good time.”

 

The way Isabela is looking at her made Hawke’s entire face feel warm. She shifted slightly, opening and closing her mouth as she searched for what to say. Isabela kept her gaze steady, letting her eyes rake over Hawke’s form.

 

“What if…” Hawke took a deep breath, looking up and meeting Bela’s eyes. “What if we wanted more than a good time?”

 

Isabela couldn’t keep the shock from her face, but she covered it quickly, cocking her hip and frowning.

 

“Hawke, you know I don’t do relationships,” Isabela said, but her voice was rather shaky and her eyes shifted to the side. “It’s too messy.”

 

“I know,” Hawke said, heart in her throat. “But if it was us. If it was you and me and Merrill...that wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”

 

A look of profound want crossed Isabela’s face before she locked it down again, brows furrowing.

 

“You of all people should know that’s not something I do,” Isabela said, her words cutting deep. Hawke blanched, looking down and biting her lip, hard.

 

“I just thought...maybe, it would be good, for all of us,” Hawke managed to get out.

 

“What about Merrill?” Isabela asked, voice sharp. “Does she know everything? I won’t let her get hurt.”

 

“It was her idea,” Hawke told her. “She wants you to join us.”

 

Isabela paused, eyebrows shooting up again. Her arms fell to her sides.

 

“It was Merrill…?” Bela murmured, and Hawke nodded. She watched as a million emotions crossed Isabela’s face--want, confusion, longing, hope, sadness--before a mask of confident indifference dropped down once more. “Look, sweet thing, I wouldn’t say no to a night with the two of you. I have fond memories of what you can do with that  _ tongue  _ of yours...and I’m sure Merrill’s picked up a trick or two.”

 

Hawke flushed, biting her lip again. Isabela was looking at her with such sudden  _ want  _ that she shifted.

 

“But that’s all,” Isabela continued, and Hawke felt her stomach drop. Isabela took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a brief moment. “...For now. Maybe, if things go well...shit, we need to talk to Merrill.”

 

“I...really?” Hawke whispered, eyes wide.

 

“I’ll...I’ll think about it, okay, sweet thing?” Isabela said, face unreadable once more. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but...I need to think about it. In the meantime, though, we can all enjoy each other, can’t we?”

 

Hawke nodded, not trusting herself to speak, feeling hope and bitter hurt fight for a place in her chest. She blinked, trying not to let either show on her face.

 

“Good,” Bela purred. “You two come find me whenever you’re up for a little fun, alright?”

 

“I--alright,” Hawke managed to smile. Bela leaned in, drawing Hawke’s gaze to the dip of her cleavage, and dragged her fingertips along Hawke’s cheek.

 

“I look forward to it, sweet thing,” Isabela murmured, then smirked, stepped back, and disappeared out the door. Hawke sat, stunned, staring at the closed door. Her head was spinning, and she could still smell the jasmine oil Bela wore. She felt like Isabela was a hurricane, a force of nature that showed up and wreaked havoc on her emotions only to race out the door again moments later.

 

Hawke groaned, dropping her head in her hands. Bela hadn’t said  _ no,  _ exactly, and she’d seemed to want it, but then she’d run away again, just like before. It was maddening.

 

With another sigh, Hawke crumpled up the paper she’d been working on and slowly started gathering up the discarded papers for the waste basket. Her thoughts raced, trying to decide whether to be happy or dismayed. By the time she’d finished cleaning up, her mind was a solid knot of confusion and longing.

 

When her desk was once more clean and tidy, Hawke made her way over to an armchair in front of the fire, staring into the flames. She was suddenly exhausted, the mental somersaults her thoughts were doing taking a toll on her. She closed her eyes, intent on just resting for a few moments…

 

~

 

“Ma venhan,” Merrill’s sweet voice in her ear woke Hawke, and she slowly came back to the present, her mind unwilling to give up the dreams she’d been having. When she finally blinked open her eyes, she found Merrill curled in her lap, watching her with eyes that glowed in the dim light. The first night they’d spent together--a two-week-long excursion to the wounded coast that Hawke had dragged Merrill, Bethany, and Aveline on--Merrill had scared her half to death. Her eyes glowed like a cat’s in low light, and she’d explained that elves had much better night vision than humans. It had taken a while to get used to, but she now found it comforting, knowing she would be able to meet Merrill’s eyes even in near-complete darkness. Besides that, seeing two glowing green pinpricks gazing up at her from between her thighs never failed to send a jolt up her spine.

 

“Mm...hello, my love,” Hawke murmured, her voice low and raspy. She pulled Merrill closer to her, burying her face in her neck and breathing in the familiar smell of daisies and a faint whisper of blood.

 

“You were dreaming,” Merrill told her. “Your eyelids were flickering.”

 

“Mm, yes,” Hawke nodded against her. “It was about you.”

 

“I hope it was a good dream,” Merrill said. Hawke nodded again.

 

“Every dream I have of you is a good one,” Hawke said, kissing her throat gently. Merrill made a small noise in her chest, and Hawke smiled; she loved how sensitive Merrill was.

 

“Come to bed?” Merrill asked, pulling back to look her in the eyes. Hawke smiled, standing up with Merrill tucked securely against her chest. Merrill squeaked and held on tighter, surprised every time Hawke picked her up, no matter how often it happened.

 

Hawke deposited Merrill gently on the bed, crawling up beside her for a leisurely kiss. 

 

“So...Isabela came to see me today,” Hawke murmured softly, curling up around Merrill. She could feel the elf stiffen in her arms, and kissed her neck gently. “She brought the flowers you left her.”

 

“What...what did she say?” Merrill asked, her voice just as quiet as Hawke’s. Hawke reached up, smoothing a lock of soft black hair away from Merrill’s face, and pulled her closer.

 

“She said she’d think about it,” Hawke told her, her heart sinking as she remembered the conversation. “I’m...not sure how she felt about it.”

 

“But that’s good, isn’t it?” Merrill said; Hawke felt her relax back against her. “Her thinking about it? That’s a good thing, right?”

 

“Maybe?” Hawke gave a half-shrug. “I don’t want to get my hopes up, to be honest, love. She seemed rather taken aback by it.”

 

“How did she say it?” Merrill asked.

 

“She said…” Hawke paused, biting her lip, as she remembered the way Isabela had looked at her. “She said she’d ‘never say no to a good time,’ and told us to come find her whenever we wanted.”

 

“See, I knew it!” Merrill smiled, turning over in Hawke’s arms and kissing her cheek.

 

“Merrill, sweetie, she didn’t...she meant sex,” Hawke sighed. “Only sex. That’s what she said.”

 

“But she said she’d think about it,” Merrill pointed out. “So she could say yes.”

 

“I...you’re right,” Hawke took a breath and smiled, attempting to at least  _ look  _ positive, for Merrill’s sake. “In the meantime, though, we could have her over for the night sometime, if you wanted.”

 

Part of Hawke’s heart ached to even say that. Could she handle having Isabela in her arms, in her bed, without knowing if it would lead to more? She wasn’t sure. But then Merrill was beaming, nodding her head and pressing closer to her, and Hawke allowed herself to get swept up in her enthusiasm, if only for the moment.

 

“Oh, yes, please!” Merrill smiled and blushed, burying her head in Hawke’s chest. “Can we do it tomorrow?”

 

“Tomorrow?” Hawke raised her brows. “You don’t think that’s too soon?”

 

“Well, I’ve wanted her for so long...haven’t you?” Merrill pulled back enough to meet her eyes, and Hawke felt her cheeks grow warm. “You’re blushing; you have, I can tell.”

 

“Alright, you caught me,” Hawke laughed and pulled her girlfriend closer to her. “We’ll go find Bela tomorrow. But for tonight, I want you all to myself.”

 

Her voice dropped deeper, growing husky, as she leaned in to press a kiss to Merrill’s waiting lips. Merrill kissed back and let her tongue peek out to run along Hawke’s lower lip.

 

“Mm, lethallan,” Merril breathed, pressing closer. Hawke ran her fingers through Merrill’s hair, pulling her closer and placing kisses along her sharp jaw, up to her earlobe to suck gently. This earned her a pleased whimper, and her other hand tugged Merrill in by the hip.

 

“Is this alright?” Hawke whispered in one pointed ear. Merrill nodded, her own hands slipping around Hawke’s neck to make sure she stayed close to her.

 

“Please,” Merrill’s voice was low with desire. 

 

As Hawke rolled on top of her, she willed herself to forget her anxieties about Isabela, her fear of rejection, her worries about the future. She willed herself to get lost in the woman beneath her, the warmth in her skin, the wetness between her thighs. She willed herself to live in the moment and show Merrill just how much she loved her, and judging by the sweet sounds Merrill made, the way she shivered and arched and cried out her name, the way she clawed at Hawke’s back and bit her neck when she came, she succeeded.

 

By the time the two of them were reduced to a tangle of shivering, sweat-slicked limbs, she’d managed to push Isabela from her mind, at least for the moment.


	4. But First, Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabela, Merrill, and Hawke talk about what they want from each other, and then relocate upstairs...
> 
> [still sfw]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut starts next chapter, and it's pretty good, if i do say so myself :3

Hawke had made Merrill wait at the house when she went to find Isabela the next day. Merrill had wanted to come, but Hawke had insisted. She didn’t much fancy the possibility of their first time happening at the Hanged Man, but knowing how enthusiastic Merrill could get, Hawke could too easily see them getting carried away in Isabela’s room. With Merrill waiting back at Hawke’s place, they had a reason to make their way back to Hightown. At least, that was Hawke’s reasoning.

 

When Hawke walked through the door of the Hanged Man, her eyes immediately found Isabela, just like they had every day for the past few years. She was standing at the bar, dark skin gleaming in the candlelight, full lips pressed to the rim of a tankard. Hawke paused where she was, watching Bela for a few moments. She felt the familiar tug in her chest at the sight of her, and a slight, bittersweet smile flickered along her lips.

 

Then Isabela glanced up and caught her eye. Hawke widened her grin into an easy-going, suggestive smile, and made her way across the bar, hoping it looked like she’d only just walked in. She kept her pace purposeful, but added a swing to her hips, drawing satisfaction from the way Bela’s eyes swept up and down her long form.

 

“Hey there, sweet thing,” Isabela crooned once Hawke was near enough. Hawke sidled up beside her, motioning for the bartender and slipping an arm around her waist.

 

“Hey yourself,” Hawke murmured, glancing side-long at her. Isabela’s expression flickered before a smirk settled on her lips. She leaned in to whisper in Hawke’s ear, sending a shiver down her spine.

 

“Where’s that little mage of yours, hon? Wouldn’t want to have fun without her.”

 

“Figured you could come back to our place,” Hawke answered easily, accepting the glass of rum from the bartender. “You seemed to like it last time well enough.”

 

“Mm, I did quite enjoy those luxurious sheets you had…” Isabela smiled, taking a swig of her ale. “Much better than the ratty old things they have here.”

 

Hawke downed the rum in two quick gulps, feeling the satisfying burn down her throat, warmth spreading through her chest.

 

“Then let’s get out of here,” Hawke said, letting the drink give her a little liquid courage. Isabela raised her eyebrows, smirking, and gave a quick nod. She tipped the rest of her drink down her throat, and Hawke watched her throat work smoothly to swallow it. When she lowered her mug, a small drip trailed from the corner of her mouth. She reached up to wipe it away, but Hawke caught her hand to stop her, leaning in. She moved slowly enough to broadcast her intentions, but Isabela leaned forward, meeting her halfway. Hawke licked the ale up slowly, closing her lips in a kiss when she reached Isabela’s mouth. Isabela kissed her back, threading one hand into her hair to pull her closer. Hawke nipped her full lower lip, getting lost in the warmth, the smooth glide of Isabela’s tongue.

 

“Mm, I’ve missed those lips,” Bela pulled away to murmur, breathing quickened slightly.

 

“Me, too,” Hawke replied. “C’mon. Let’s get going.”

 

“Don’t have to tell me again,” Bela chuckled, allowing Hawke to twine their fingers together and lead them out of the bar. 

 

Hawke’s mind was running as the pair made their way through the city, sending glances at each other and occasionally letting hands wander. As they passed into Hightown, they passed two short figures. They were so wrapped up in each other that it took one of them calling out a “Hawke!” for either of them to even notice.

 

“Bodhan? Sandal?” Hawke asked in surprise. “What are you doing out here?”

 

“Aw, Merrill sent us to stay the night at her old place!” Bodhan answered with a happy grin. Isabela and Hawke exchanged glances, but their hands remained linked.

 

“Is that so?” Hawke asked.

 

“You bet it is! She said you two had company, and my boy and me don’t want to intrude,” Bodhan said. “She’s got a cot and a bed in the alienage, and you know we don’t mind.”

 

“Well, alright then…” Hawke smiled. “Have a nice night!”

 

“You all as well!” Bodhan answered, and he and Sandal continued on. Isabela glanced at Hawke.

 

“I guess she didn’t want them to overhear, poor thing,” Isabela said as they continued walking.

 

“She doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable,” Hawke said. “I’m not surprised she sent them away.”

 

“Mm, I don’t mind an audience,” Bela purred, bumping Hawke’s hip with her own.  Hawke felt her face flush, and she gave an embarrassed grin.

 

“Well,  _ I  _ would prefer you all to ourselves, tonight,” Hawke said, managing to inject a flirtatious lilt to her reply.

 

“Who would I be to say no to that?” Isabela smirked. 

 

They finally rounded the corner to Hawke’s home, and Hawke could feel her heart pick up speed in her chest, fluttering like a trapped bird against her ribs. She wanted this--oh, she wanted this--but anxiety gnawed at her heels, the knowledge that this could very well be a one-time thing heavy overhead. But then Bela was reaching for the door handle, and she pushed that thought from her head, refusing to dwell on it.

 

“Merrill? We’re here!” Hawke called as they stepped through the doorway.

 

“Lethallan!” they heard Merrill reply, the joyous excitement in her voice unmistakable. She appeared in the hallway and barrelled towards the two of them, throwing her arms around their necks and dragging them in for a hug. “Oh, I’m so happy you’re here!”

 

“Well! Hello to you too, kitten,” Isabela laughed, her free arm around Merrill’s back. Merrill was wearing Hawke’s robe, and Hawke personally felt like it looked much better hanging off Merrill’s slim frame than on herself.

 

“Hello, my love,” Hawke said, hugging her tiny mage. Merrill kept them locked in an embrace for a few moments longer before stepping back.

 

“Can I get you anything, Bela? Some tea? Ale? Oh, I think we have wine in the cellar--unless you’d rather go upstairs now?” Merrill asked, her long ears twitching and cheeks flushed.

 

“Easy there, sweet thing,” Isabela laughed, lacing the fingers of one hand with Merrill’s and tracing her blushing cheek gently with the other. “Let’s all have a drink and talk for a minute, alright? I promise to make you feel good later.”

 

“I want to make you feel good, too,” Merrill insisted, glancing between them. “Both of you.”

 

“You will,” Hawke assured her. “But we should chat, first.”

 

“Alright,” Merrill nodded. “But...can I kiss you, first, Bela?”

 

Isabela laughed, clearly appreciative of Merrill’s straightforwardness, and nodded.

 

“Of course you can,” she purred. “Come here.”

 

Hawke watched as Isabela framed Merrill’s face with her hands, brushing her hair behind her ears. Merrill shivered, eyes wide and trusting as she looked at Bela. Isabela leaned down, her hands sliding around to comb gently through Merrill’s hair, and paused in the last inch. Merrill’s eyes slid shut as she closed the last, tiny bit of distance, their lips meeting for the first time. Merrill’s hands drifted to Isabela’s waist, then her back, pulling her in closer. Hawke heard a low moan from Merrill as Isabela deepened the kiss, and she felt an answering throb low in her belly.

 

Finally, Isabela broke away, licking her lips. Merrill tried to chase her for a moment before her big green eyes blinked open, pupils large.

 

“You taste good,” Merrill murmured, her voice low, and Isabela practically purred.

 

“Oh, you  _ are  _ going to be fun,” she grinned, then glanced at Hawke. “Why didn’t you tell me she had such a lovely tongue?”

 

“Figured you’d like to find out for yourself,” Hawke smiled, slipping an arm around Isabela’s thick waist and kissing her cheek. “Come on, I’ll get us drinks.”

 

Merrill relocated herself to Hawke’s other side, cuddling up close as they made their way towards the kitchen, and Hawke slipped her other arm around her. Merrill and Isabela sat down at the table, and Hawke headed towards the liquor cabinet. She grabbed Merrill’s favorite wine and a liquor Fenris had suggested for herself, then turned to the table.

 

“What do you want, Bela? Rum? Ale?” Hawke asked. Merrill was holding Isabela’s hand across the table, and Bela looked torn between amusement and lust.

 

“You know me, hon,” Bela replied. “I’m easy. If it burns, I’ll drink it.”

 

“Fair enough.” Hawke poured the drinks and joined the other two at the table. They sat quietly for a few minutes, drinking, just acclimating to the proximity of each other.

 

“Alright, so…” Isabela finally began, setting her empty cup down. “First things first: tonight is just for fun, okay?”

 

Hawke’s heart sank, her gut clenching heavily. She glanced sideways at Merrill, seeing her ears droop.

 

“But I thought…” Merrill set her glass on the table. “Hawke said you were going to think about it? About joining us? You decided already?”

 

“I haven’t decided yet,” Isabela said, frowning at the table. After a moment, she got up and poured more liquor for herself, downed a few gulps, then poured some more. Rejoining them at the table, she sighed. “Look, kitten. Relationships are...well, they aren’t my thing, alright? I just...I do better with casual flings. But I...I’m willing to think about it. For you two.”

 

“Oh, good,” Merrill sighed, obviously relieved. “I hope you’ll say yes.”

 

“There’s no pressure, though,” Hawke added hastily, seeing the way Isabela’s shoulders tensed. “Take all the time you need.”

 

“This is your fault, anyway, Hawke,” Bela said, pointing an accusing finger at her. “You and your damn kindness. Then you--” she swivelled, pointing at Merrill “--and your sweet words and always believing I’ll do the right thing. You two are just….”

 

Isabela shook her head, a faint smile playing about her lips.

 

“I can’t believe I’m actually thinking about it…” she murmured, almost as if she were talking to herself. She took another swig. “Aright, that conversation is over with. I won’t speak of relationships anymore tonight, you hear me?”

 

“Got it,” Hawke smiled, and Merrill nodded earnestly.

 

“Good,” Isabela smirked. “Now, what’s your safe word?”

 

“Eluvian,” Merrill answered immediately. Isabela nodded.

 

“For both of you?” 

 

“It was easiest to just have one,” Hawke nodded.

 

“Fair enough,” Isabela mused. “Easy enough to remember, too. I usually have my own, but for tonight I’ll play along with you two. I am, after all, a guest.”

 

“That’s fine with me,” Hawke nodded.

 

“Then that’s settled,” Isabela nodded with a smile, taking another sip. Hawke realized she hadn’t even tried the liquor yet and lifted her glass, letting the drink slip down her throat. It burned as it went down, settled warm in her stomach. She blinked; hints of smoke lingered after she swallowed.

 

“Anything in particular I should know about?” Isabela brought her attention back to the present. “Or shall we move upstairs?”

 

“Let’s try to keep it...traditional, tonight,” Hawke said carefully. Merrill made a small noise in her throat.

 

“We don’t have to, if you don’t want,” Merrill said. She leaned forward. “I like it when we do other things.”

 

“I know you do, hon,” Hawke said, just as Isabela made a surprised, appreciative murmur. “But I’d rather focus on each other tonight, not on ropes and knots.”

 

“Oh, yes, that does sound nice,” Merrill smiled. “Maybe next time, then?”

 

“...Maybe,” Isabela said. Hawke could see the lines of her shoulders tense, and knew she was thinking  _ ‘if there’s a next time’  _ with every fiber of her being.

 

“Let’s go on upstairs,” Hawke cut in, trying to ease the anxiety she could feel rolling off Isabela in waves. Isabela shot her a grateful glance as she stood up.

 

“Oh, yes, let’s,” Merrill said happily, downing the rest of her wine. Isabela and Hawke copied her, and the three of them made their way upstairs.


	5. Spend the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabela, Hawke, and Merrill have an amazing night together.  
> ~  
> the smut is FINALLY here!!!!! if you don’t want to read it you can skip this chapter; i’ll put the important shit at the beginning of the next chapter as well!

Isabela led the way up the stairs, Hawke and Merrill following. Hawke let herself admire Isabela’s backside, the way her hips swung so deliciously as she walked. Merrill nudged her, and Hawke leaned down so Merrill could whisper in her ear.

 

“Isabela has such a nice bum, don’t you think?” Merrill said, and Hawke gave a startled laugh. Isabela glanced back over her shoulder at the two of them.

 

“What’s so funny, sweet thing?”

 

“Nothing at all,” Hawke said. “We were just admiring the view.”

 

“It is a nice one, isn’t it?” Isabela smirked, reaching the bedroom and walking backwards through the door. “But I hope you aren’t just going to look.”

 

“Oh, no,” Merrill shook her head, following Isabela into the bedroom.

 

“Definitely not,” Hawke added with a smile. 

 

“Good,” Isabela smiled, sitting on the edge of the mattress. “I prefer my bed mates to be active participants.”

 

“Doesn’t everyone?” Hawke joked, kneeling on the bed beside Isabela and leaning in to nose along her jaw. One of her hands braced on the mattress as the other rested lightly on Isabela’s thick thigh. Her skin was warm and soft beneath the hem of her shirt.

 

Merrill, meanwhile, stood between Isabela’s knees, leaning in to kiss her soundly. Hawke’s lips were on Bela’s throat, and she felt the sound Isabela moaned into Merrill’s mouth.

 

Isabela’s hand brushed against Hawke as she wrapped her arms around Merrill, pulling the elf in closer. Merrill moaned, and Hawke moved her mouth from Isabela’s neck to Merrill’s, sucking on the sweet flesh there. Isabela was not idle, hooking one booted leg around Merrill’s hip and pulling the robe she was wearing open.

 

“Oh, you are  _ exquisite _ , kitten,” Isabela pulled away to smirk, and Hawke glanced down to see that Merrill had worn nothing under Hawke’s borrowed house robe. Hawke ran a hand down Merrill’s spine, pulling the robe off and letting it pool on the ground. Isabela gripped Merrill by the waist as she moved in, mouthing along her vallaslin-tattooed chest to one nipple.

 

“Oh! That feels nice,” Merrill gasped, her hands in Isabela’s curls. Hawke caught sight of Isabela’s smirking mouth pulling Merrill’s nipple between her teeth. Hawke shifted on the bed, moving behind Isabela and peppering kisses along her shoulders, pulling her thick hair out of the way. Merrill helped her gather the dark curls, holding them out of the way so Hawke could suck on the base of Isabela’s neck.

 

Hawke’s hands snaked around Isabela’s soft waist, seeking out the knot of her sash and undoing it deftly. She added a scrape of teeth to her open-mouthed kisses, and it drew a deep groan from Isabela. Merrill had drawn her back up into a kiss, her hands framing Isabela’s face, and Isabela was tweaking Merrill’s nipples. Hawke slid her hands up, cupping Isabela’s full breasts, running her thumbs along their peaks, hard even through the fabric of her top.

 

Isabela smelled like jasmine, her curls falling from Merrill’s hands to tickle Hawke’s nose. She was warm, pressed back against Hawke’s chest, her breasts soft and heavy in her palms. Hawke nuzzled in closer, kissing up the side of her neck. Isabela turned her head, breaking away from Merrill’s lips to slot her lips with Hawke’s. Their kiss was sloppy, the angle awkward, but neither of them particularly cared. 

 

“Can I take this off, ma venhan?” Merrill muttered, the muffled quality of her voice placing her lips somewhere on Isabela’s throat. 

 

Isabela nodded, pulling away from their kiss just briefly enough to mutter a breathless ‘yeah’ before moving back in, nipping Hawke’s bottom lip. Hawke felt Isabela’s tunic being pulled up, and moved her hands to help. When Isabela settled back against Hawke, hot, bare skin pressed against her. Hawke moaned into Isabela’s neck as she palmed her breasts, pinching dark nipples. Isabela moaned at that, and Hawke pinched harder, drawing a gasp from their lover. 

 

Hawke could feel Merrill pressing closer, one of her small hands snaking up her own arm to grip her shoulder, grounding herself with Hawke’s presence. Hawke peeked over Isabela’s shoulder to see Merrill mouthing along her collarbone, Isabela’s hands on her small, tattooed breasts. Merrill glanced up and caught Hawke’s eye, giving her a soft smile. Hawke grinned back, then bit into Isabela’s shoulder.

 

Isabela cried out, her back arching at the press of teeth. Her head tipped to the side, giving Hawke more room, and she indulged her with a few more nips.

 

“Lay back,” Hawke pulled away to murmur. “You are, as you said, our guest.”

 

“Take your shirt off and I will,” Bela retorted, her voice only slightly breathless. Hawke yanked her tunic off in record time, scooting out of the way as Isabela crawled up the bed, lounging on the pillows comfortably. Merrill followed, settling between her knees and beginning to unbuckle Isabela’s boots. Hawke helped, and soon Bela was left in only her underwear, a small, wispy scrap of fabric, already drenched through. 

 

“May I taste you, lethalin?” Merrill breathed, staring unabashedly at Isabela’s body. Bela smirked, leaning back and beckoning Merrill forward with a curled finger.

 

“You’re a treat, kitten. Of course you can,” Isabela purred. Merrill leaned in, peeling her underwear down her thick, soft legs, and throwing it on the floor in her haste. Within seconds, Merrill was flat on her stomach between Isabela’s spread legs, peppering kisses along the inside of her thighs. Isabela moaned softly, carding her fingers through Merrill’s dark hair.

 

Hawke suddenly became aware of how uncomfortable she was, still in her boots and pants, while her lovers were both nude (for Merrill hadn’t bothered with underwear under the robe any more than she had bothered with a shirt). She stood up, kicking off her shoes and rolling her pants and underwear off. Turning back to the bed, she found Isabela’s eyes on her, burning slits of gold, Merrill’s face now buried properly between her thighs. Isabela groaned, tipping her head back, but her eyes never left Hawke. She raised one hand from Merrill’s head, beckoning Hawke back to the bed.

 

Hawke didn’t need telling twice. She crawled back onto the bed, stopping to press a kiss to Merrill’s spine.

 

“How does she taste, love?” Hawke asked, looking up to lock eyes with Bela. Merrill moaned into Isabela approvingly, nuzzing in harder, and Isabela cried out, full lips parting. Hawke kissed Merrill’s shoulder, still staring up at Isabela, and nibbled one long ear affectionately. Merrill shuddered, moaning again; her ears were always so sensitive.

 

Finally, Hawke crawled up to meet Isabela, giving her a kiss. She was barely surprised to feel Isabela’s hand in her hair, tugging her in to deepen the kiss. She moaned approvingly, settling in close to Isabela. She could feel her breasts press into her with each panting breath Isabela took, the way her lips vibrated with each moan.

 

“Ah, fuck—“ Isabela pulled back to curse, one hand curled in Merrill’s hair, the other on the back of Hawke’s neck. “You’re  _ good  _ at this, kitten.”

 

Hawke heard Merrill make a small noise, muffled by Isabela’s folds and the slick sounds of her eating her out. Hawke knew she was beyond wet, her core throbbing, and she realized she was unconsciously rocking against Isabela, trying to find some purchase. She busied herself with kissing along Isabela’s chest, sucking on one dark nipple.

 

“Shit, Merrill,” Isabela groaned, tilting her head back. “That’s good, suck my clit just like that, fuck.”

 

Hawke slid her hand down Isabela’s stomach, petting Merrill’s hair and looking down to see Merrill staring intently up at them. One of her hands was buried between her own thighs, and her brows were furrowed in concentration.

 

“Do your fingers feel good, love?” Hawke pulled away from Isabela’s breast to ask. Merrill nodded against Isabela, moaning, and Isabela’s hips rocked up with a cry.

 

“Fuck, that’s incredible,” Isabela gasped. “Hawke— _ Maker’s balls _ —Hawke, sit on my face.”

 

“What?” Hawke turned to look at Isabela, one hand supporting herself, the other still on Merrill’s head. She heard Merrill give an approving noise.

 

“Sit on my face,” Isabela prompted again. She looked a mess; curls in disarray, eyes half-lidded, mouth hanging open. Hawke had hardly seen anything more beautiful. “I want to taste you. Miss that pretty pussy of yours.”

 

Well. Hawke was many things, but a fool was not one of them. She surged up, kissing Isabela for one dizzy, breathless minute before pulling herself onto her knees. She straddled Isabela carefully, making sure not to disturb Merrill’s position, and crawled up until her thighs were pressed on either side of Isabela’s face.

 

Isabela wrapped one arm around Hawke’s hip, and she could  _ feel  _ how wet she was, trails slicking down her thighs. Isabela leaned in, dragging her hot tongue over the sensitive skin of Hawke’s inner thighs, cleaning up wet lines. Hawke moaned softly, one hand on the headboard and the other reaching down to shakily tangle in Isabela’s hair.

 

Golden eyes peered up at her from between her legs, half-closed but sharp, intent on her face. Hawke could hear the slick sounds of Merrill fucking herself as she ate Isabela out, their twin moans filling the room, and she couldn’t help but moan herself, rocking down to hopefully find some friction.

 

Isabela met her with her tongue, sliding up her burning core to circle her clit. Hawke gasped as the contact sent a spark through her, clenching her hand in Isabela’s wild hair. Bela’s tongue was hot and wet and slick against her, slipping over her lips and clit before pressing inside. Hawke groaned, sinking down further, thighs going liquid on either side of Isabela’s face. Bela moaned approvingly into her and tightened her hold on Hawke’s hips.

 

As Bela slid up to suck her clit into her mouth, Hawke fell forward, her free hand dropping to support herself on the mattress. She cried out as Bela’s tongue painted over the tip of her clit, warmth spreading up her spine. When she looked down, Bela’s eyes were closed, brow furrowed in concentration. Hawke could feel each pleasured moan Bela let into her core, hear the gasps and sucks from Merrill behind her. Merrill’s sounds were growing higher and more frantic, and Hawke could imagine what her lover looked like, fucking herself with her fingers as she ate Bela out. The thought made her core clench, and Bela moved down to lick up the resulting mess.

 

“Fuck, Bela,” Hawke gasped. “Your tongue...your mouth…” 

 

Isabela moaned, opening her eyes to look up at Hawke, who stared back. Hawke felt her stomach flip, sparks sliding down her spine, at the sight of those gorgeous golden eyes staring up at her. Merrill suddenly gasped, and Isabela’s eyelids fluttered as Merrill groaned deeply as she came, her voice vibrating against Bela. 

 

Hawke managed to turn her head and look back at her girlfriend, seeing the vallaslin on her forehead come together in bliss as she shook apart between Isabela’s thighs. She lifted her head to draw in great gasps of air, and her free hand came up to rub over Isabela’s clit. Hawke was pulled back to what Bela was doing as she gasped into her clenching core. 

 

Hawke groaned, grinding her core down. She was getting close, pleasure radiating out from the apex of her thighs, thighs trembling. Opening bleary eyes, she looked down at Isabela, seeing the way her face was scrunched up in concentration. 

 

“I’m close…” Hawke managed to get out.

 

Bela redoubled her effort, sucking Hawke’s clit into her mouth and flicking the tip of her tongue over the hard bud. Hawke cried out, feeling tension gathering in her lower stomach, threatening to spill out. Her hips rocked, and Isabela flattened her tongue, allowing Hawke to grind her clit against her mouth, hard.

 

Hawke came with a cry, her core clenching as the tension released in a spiral of bliss. Her hands tightened in Isabela’s hair, pulling her closer, muscles trembling. Pleasure burned through her veins before melting, warmth suffused her as Bela licked her through her climax, letting her come down slowly.

 

“Fuck…” Hawke managed to groan, slowly disentangling her hands from Bela’s curls and climbing off her. Her thighs shook as she laid down next to Bela, who was panting, her own hands in Merrill’s hair.

 

“Inside, Merrill, please,” Isabela moaned, pulling the elf closer. Merrill brought one hand up under her chin, sliding two fingers inside Bela as she licked at her clit. Hawke kisses along Isabela’s neck, palming her breast and twining a dark nipple between her fingers. Isabela arched into her hand, groaning, rocking her hips against Merrill.

 

“How’s that feel?” Hawke murmured into Isabela’s ear, taking the lobe between her teeth and biting. Bela moaned, her entire body trembling.

 

“Good—fuck, I’m so close, Kitten,” Bela panted, and Hawke could almost feel Merrill’s efforts redouble. Bela’s moans grew louder, higher, desperate tension building in her body. 

 

Hawke pinched her nipple, and Bela screamed as she came, her back arching off the bed, head tossed back, pelvis rocking to Merrill’s rhythm. A moment passed before Isabela slumped back down, trembling, her thighs closing on Merrill’s head as she gave her a few slow licks to help her come down from her high.

 

“Maker’s balls,” Isabela sighed, combing her fingers through Merrill’s dark hair. “Kitten, you’re incredible.”

 

Merrill beamed as she sat up, wiping her face. She crawled up over Isabela, kissing first Hawke as she passed her, then Bela, lounging atop her supine form to press their lips together.

 

The tiny elf rocked her hips, trying to find friction on Isabela’s thigh, and Hawke chuckled lightly, leaning in to kiss Merrill’s shoulder. Her hand slid down Merrill’s spine to grip her behind gently.

 

“What do you want, darling?” Hawke asked, loud enough for Bela to hear as well. Merrill pulled away from the kiss to reply, panting.

 

“I—I want Bela’s mouth,” Merrill whimpered, her voice small. “I want you to hold me, lethallin.”

 

“Is that okay?” Hawke asked Isabela, catching her eye to make sure. 

 

“After what she just did to me? I’d gladly return the favor,” Isabela purred, a wicked glint in her eyes. 

 

Hawke grinned as she rearranged some pillows, leaning back against them and spreading her arms for Merrill. Merrill settled between her thighs, back pressed to Hawke’s front, her head resting on her shoulder. Hawke wrapped her arms around her tiny girlfriend, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck.

 

“How’s this?” Hawke asked. Merrill nodded her head, grabbing Hawke’s arms. She dragged one up to cover her own breast, and Hawke got the hint, gently palming her small breast.

 

Isabela stretched out between Merrill’s spread legs, her dark hands tracing over vallaslin-marked thighs, peering up at the two of them. 

 

“Is this what you want, Kitten?” Isabela asked, her voice serious and teasing all at once. Merrill nodded, her hair brushing Hawke’s neck as she did so. Isabela bit her inner thigh, and Merrill whimpered. “I want to hear you say it.”

 

“I—please, Bela,” Merrill whined, one of her hands leaving Hawke’s arms to gently comb through Isabela’s wild curls. “I want...I need your mouth. Please, ma venhan.”

 

Hawke saw Isabela’s eyes darken as she laved her tongue over Merrill’s thigh, ending with a kiss.

 

“Good girl, Kitten.”

 

Merrill whimpered, her hands tightening their hold on Isabela’s hair and Hawke’s arm, as Isabela buried her face between her slender thighs.

 

Hawke squeezed Merrill’s breast as Isabela ate her out, arms around her thighs and holding  her by the hips tightly. Merrill moaned, arching her back in Hawke’s hold, and Hawke kissed along her neck, sucking and nipping at the tender flesh there. 

 

Merrill’s other hand left Hawke’s to pull Isabela closer, tilting her hips to get her where she wanted her. Hawke bit her neck where it slipped into her shoulder, adding suction until a bruise formed, and Merrill cried out sweetly. Both of Hawke’s hands were on her breasts now, rolling her nipples with just the right amount of pressure.

 

Isabela moaned into Merrill, her mouth making wet sounds against her slick folds, and Merrill responded in kind, arching and writhing under their attention. Isabela moved down, leaving Merrill’s clit in favor of her entrance, and Hawke’s hand left Merrill’s breast without even thinking about it, sliding down her shivering stomach to cup between her legs.

 

“Hawke!” Merrill gasped, one hand leaving Isabela’s hair to once more wrap around Hawke’s wrist. She circled Merrill’s hard clit with her fingers, slick and hot, feeling her form tremble. Isabela glanced up but didn’t stop, thrusting her tongue deeper inside Merrill.

 

“Does that feel good, love?” Hawke murmured into Merrill’s long ear, pressing down firmly as she circled, her other hand still rolling her nipple. Merrill nodded frantically, her hips rocking to establish a rhythm, and Hawke and Isabela hurried to match it.

 

“I’m...I’m getting close,” Merrill said, her voice high and breathy. Hawke hummed in acknowledgment, keeping her pace firm and steady, sucking marks onto Merrill’s sensitive neck. She applied her teeth, nipping and biting, and Merrill stiffened, her body trembling.

 

“Cum for us, Merrill,” Hawke said, loud enough for both Merrill and Bela to hear, and bit down on her neck.

 

Merrill came with a scream, her entire form tightening and trembling. Her hips rocked erratically, threatening to knock them off course, but they held firm, stroking and licking Merrill through her finish. She moaned and whimpered, slowly beginning to relax, and then melted into Hawke’s arms with a sweet sigh. 

 

Hawke stroked her hands along Merrill’s body, and Isabela pulled back, resting her head on Merrill’s soft thigh. She smiled up at them, and Hawke grinned back.

 

“Mm...I love you,” Merrill sighed, stroking Isabela’s hair. Hawke’s eyes widened, and she glanced down at Isabela, who had gone stiff as a board. It wasn’t unusual for Merrill to say ‘I love you’ to Bela—in fact, it was quite common—but Hawke could practically feel the panic rolling off their friend at the statement in conjunction with their current situation. Bela sat up quickly, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand.

 

“I love you, too, Merrill,” Hawke said, as if Merrill had said it to her alone. Isabela shot her a grateful glance and slowed down slightly, but still began to get out of bed. Merrill, already half-asleep, reached out for her.

 

“Won’t you stay the night?” Merrill asked sleepily. Hawke gathered her girlfriend into her arms and looked up at Isabela, who was already pulling her boots on.

 

“I, um, I should give you two lovebirds some space,” Isabela said, her voice betraying nothing. “Thanks for the fun, lovelies. I’ll see you both around, yeah?”

 

“I...yeah,” Hawke said, watching as Isabela escaped out the door. “Bye, Bela.”

 

A moment passed where the two women said nothing, staring at the door that Isabela had so abruptly disappeared through. Then Merrill shifted around and buried her face in Hawke’s chest.

 

“It’s my fault,” Merrill said, her voice small and meek. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“It’s fine,” Hawke automatically soothed her girlfriend. “You’ve said it to her plenty of times before. She just needs some time. We’ll see her tomorrow, I’m sure.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Of course,” Hawke said, forcing herself to believe it. She yawned. “And if not, it’ll be the next day.”

 

“...Okay. I love you,” Merrill mumbled, and Hawke smiled, pulling her closer. Merrill was already mostly asleep, the afterglow pulling her under swiftly.

 

“I love you too.” She tried not to think about Isabela’s expression as she laid awake, waiting for sleep to overtake her.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Hawke/Merrill/Isabela so much. you can pry these poly girlfriends out of my cold, dead hands
> 
> I've got 3 chapters written so far, and it's looking like it's gonna be at least 5 chapters. rating might go up as we go. (and yes, i promise there's a happy ending!)
> 
> comments are greatly appreciated <3


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